Raising Strong Girls
Ten Tips
Ten Ways to Help Your Daughter’s Body Esteem
“When beauty’s all you offer, how soon the world discovers that your beauty’s gone” - Nanci Griffith
1) Discuss with your daughter that there has always been pressure for women to have “perfect” bodies, but it has never been more unhealthy or intense. Tell her how it has changed through American history (the flapper look in the 20s; lots of curves in the 50’s). Ask her: what do you think is the effect of the current “Thin Ideal” on girls and women?
2) Ask her “Is there more acceptance of men’s different body types?” Its healthier if a girl sees the inequity rather than feels inadequate about not living up to an impossible body ideal.
3) Mom: think about how you talk about your own body. Nancy Gruver, author of "How to Say it to Girls", says girls listen closely to parents' language. Good words to use are “getting fit” “feeling good” “eating healthy” rather than “staying/getting skinny” “look at my hideous thighs” or “I need to go on a diet!”. Don’t comment on or evaluate other women’s bodies with your daughter. In fact, that’s probably a habit worth breaking for your own healthy body esteem!
4) Dad: consider how you talk about your wife's, daughter's, and other women's bodies. Both positive and negative comments can be harmful. “Boy, ______ has really let herself go.” is a no-no. “________ looks so healthy and fit!” may be better, but its best to remain neutral, like Switzerland, when it comes to expressing approval or disapproval about women’s looks. Girls listen to their dads, to gauge how often and how harshly men talk about women’s bodies.
5) Limit popular media. Delay what shows and ratings, like PG movies, you allow her to watch. It is admirable to be the most strict parent in your neighborhood when it comes to what you allow your daughter to watch and read. In fact, in Dr. Sylvia Rimm’s study of 1,000 successful women, there was a direct link between limited popular media and later success.
6) Limit or disallow beauty reality shows, beauty magazines, and say ‘no’ to watching beauty pageants. Research confirms what many women already know: we judge our own bodies more harshly after reading beauty magazines. Scientists believe that popular media consumption encourages a girl to think that thin=beautiful. Popular media consumption and beauty magazines are risk factors for developing eating disorders (www.anad.org).
7) Focus on the strength, power, and unique capabilities of your daughter and other women, rather than on appearance. Express appreciation about your daughter’s strength or dexterity (e.g., grace in ballet, endurance in running, strength in hitting or throwing a ball, improvements in swimming, dexterity with a screwdriver or ice cream scoop!)
8) All sports are good for girls, but parents should be aware that the risk of eating disorders is somewhat higher among judged sports (figure skating, cheering, dance, gymnastics) than the refereed sports (tennis, soccer, softball, lacrosse). Listen to your daughter’s coaches to make sure they are not over-emphasizing weight control and appearance.
9) Assert yourself if a family member or friend makes a sexist comment about you, your daughter, or other women. Say why it is wrong or harmful.
10) Display a picture of your daughter showing physical exuberance, power, or bravery. For example, jumping into the water, holding a frog or snake, reeling in a fish, whacking a ball. Place it where she will see it often.
"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
–Anna Quindlen